Mom Guilt
Simply put, “mom guilt” is feelings of guilt and shame mother’s feel when they are not living up to their own expectations or the expectations of others in their role as a parent. Guilt itself is defined by researchers as “a core emotion governing social behavior by promoting compliance with social norms or self-imposed standards.” Because of this, those experiencing mom guilt try to follow the cultural norms of “what a good parent does,” but the voice inside their head tells them they are failing as a parent. Humans have various roles they play in their life such as being a friend, coworker, sibling, parent, and spouse which can cause each role to compete for your time and prioritize one over the other.
When “shoulds” consume our thoughts such as “I shouldn’t be looking forward to my time away from my children,” or “I should be making my kids a home-cooked meal every night and not ordering take out,” it creates internal turmoil. As guilt builds, stress builds and prolonged stress has a negative impact on our physical and mental health. Living with chronic guilt and stress can result in anxiety, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, and depression. The more guilty and stressed we are feeling will also result in being less effective in the roles we play so it’s important to work through mom guilt. Self-care is one of the top tips to work through mom guilt. One study suggested that feelings of guilt are intensified if we believe our actions are affecting others, so taking time for yourself means not caring for your children, resulting in your choices affecting them. However, when we do not take time for ourselves there can be a buildup of resentment and even more stress making you more irritable, anxious, and angry. It is vital to make self-care a priority, your children will benefit from it.
Another tip to work through mom guilt is to practice mindful breathing, specifically the five-finger breathing technique to reset your thinking. When doing this, as you breathe in, use one finger to slowly trace the opposite thumb from base to tip. Breathe out as you trace down the other side of your thumb and continue this with each finger. After reaching the bottom of your pinky finger, reverse directions and continue until you reach the base of your thumb. An additional tip is to avoid the comparison game, meaning don’t compare how you are as a parent to your coworker, friend, or social media influencers. Lastly, talk it out! Talking about our concerns allows us to take some of the weight off of our shoulders while acknowledging what we are going through and how it’s impacting us.
Source: Cleveland Clinic