Splitting: What It Is & How To Handle It

Splitting has become a popular term due to its association with Borderline Personality Disorder, however this cognitive distortion can impact anyone. Splitting is defined as only thinking in extremes such as your partner being perfect with zero flaws or they are evil. This can be described as all or nothing thinking or only thinking in black and white with no room for middle ground. Those who split can alternate between idolizing or devaluing a person while others may place the individual into a category of either good or bad. 

Splitting provides the individual with a sense of certainty, but in return it dismisses the middle ground or gray that is a more accurate depiction of reality. Examples of splitting include an opportunity being viewed without any risks or a complete fraud, science is either 100% accurate or 100% false, or your partner is an angel or evil. Symptoms include acting out, denial, passive aggressiveness, projection, and emotional hypochondriasis. Additional splitting behaviors include quickly cutting people out of your life, quickly judging others, anger outbursts, giving the silent treatment when not given what one wants, and plotting revenge on those viewed as bad or evil. 

It’s vital to note that those who split may not realize there is a healthier way to view people and the world around them because this is a defense mechanism used to protect the individual. For those who struggle with this cognitive distortion, help is available in many different forms. Seeing a therapist, recognizing splitting behaviors, developing coping mechanisms, and practicing emotional regulation can help reduce the use of this defense mechanism. Individuals who are unsure how to deal with others who split should try not to take it personally, set boundaries, and use “yes/and” statements such as “Yes I do not agree and I still care about your opinion.” 

Source: The Wellness Society