Helping Children Understand Emotional Regulation
Children do not learn what they are taught, they learn what they are modeled after. Kids are like sponges, soaking in everything around them so they can learn what is acceptable in every aspect of their lives. It is unrealistic to expect children to have proper emotional regulation if they do not have a caregiver showing them proper ways to manage their emotions. If a father tells his son to not scream or “pitch a fit” when he’s angry but then turns around and yells at the child’s mother the child will believe this is the proper way to express anger. Children are experiencing emotions for the first time, emotions that even adults still have difficulty managing, and by modeling proper emotional regulation the child has a higher likelihood of regulating the same way.
Although the ability to manage negative emotions depends on genetics, natural temperament, and environmental factors, it is still the responsibility of the caregiver to teach children how to manage emotions. There are many benefits children will receive once they are taught emotional regulation such as getting along better with others and doing well in school. There are eleven science-tested strategies caregivers can use when teaching children emotional regulation and the first strategy is starting early. Even during infancy caregivers should talk about feelings such as pointing to a character in a book or movie & saying happy, sad, angry, or worried. This is because infants who quickly react and are hard to soothe have a heightened risk of not properly managing emotions as they get older.
The second strategy is to have a secure, trusting relationship with your child to improve their emotional regulation. Following this strategy is teaching your child how to recognize and name their emotions. However, it’s important to note that the talk-and-teach strategy has a lower likelihood of being impactful if the conversation with the child is occurring while they are upset. The fourth and fifth strategy is modeling good behavior and staying calm. These strategies together will teach children not to avoid situations but avoid making an impulsive reaction. The sixth recommended strategy is acting it out, meaning that caregivers should role play and rehearse different emotions and how they should be properly expressed. Punish less, praise more is the seventh strategy which is defined as providing “positive opposites” for behaviors you want to correct. It is scientifically proven that strict punishment makes behavior worse and tends to make children more aggressive.
The last three strategies are being a team, checking expectations, and taking the long view. Being a team provides children with consistency which is the key to emotional regulation. Caregivers should check their expectations because no child will ever behave perfectly, especially if they are scared, stressed, or anxious. Lastly, taking the long view means reminding yourself that emotional regulation takes time and children need support and understanding to achieve this lesson.
Source: American Psychological Association